HOW NOT TO SPARE THE ROD
A father who spares the rod hates his son, but one who loves him keeps him in order. Prov. 13:24, N.E.B.
There is a lot of conventional wisdom going around about the meaning of that supposed Bible text, "Spare the rod and spoil the child." This widely held wisdom firmly states that the rod is to be used by parents as a means of inflicting pain on disobedient children. Parents tell their children what to do, and if they don't do it (as one parent told me), "You hit them, and you hit them hard."
And, of course, since this is thought to be Bible wisdom, children inwardly conclude that the Bible's Author is behind such an approach. They fear that the rod that is spoken of is not the Shepherd's rod of the twenty-third psalm, intended to guide gently through difficult places and to ward off enemy, but a weapon to be dreaded, a way for irate authority figures to express their anger upon those who have affronted their authority.
Parents are indeed expected to teach their children to walk in the paths of blessing. And sometimes a self-willed child may need to be brought back to his senses. But all too often parents have not given priority to establishing a warm and vulnerable relationship with their children. They have not experimented with the power of healing love, and they feel that the only influence they have over their child is through their "duty" to inflict pain on him when he does not dutifully obey.
Some openly rebel against this approach, and understandably so, for it is alien to the way God made His people to learn and grow. Such a person is seeking to preserve some semblance of his personhood. His rebellion is not only against his parents but also against the religion that led his parents to act the way they did.
On the other hand, a child may meekly submit to his parents' rod-oriented mode of discipline. Since he is not rebelling, the parents assume that their method is working. But the chances are high that some twenty years later, in some destructive mid-life crisis, the apparently obedient person goes off in search of his freedom and identity, leaving behind a religion that has brought him much anxiety and guilt. Ironically, he also rejects his heavenly Father, who knows that one doesn't beat one's children into submission.
A father who spares the rod hates his son, but one who loves him keeps him in order. Prov. 13:24, N.E.B.
There is a lot of conventional wisdom going around about the meaning of that supposed Bible text, "Spare the rod and spoil the child." This widely held wisdom firmly states that the rod is to be used by parents as a means of inflicting pain on disobedient children. Parents tell their children what to do, and if they don't do it (as one parent told me), "You hit them, and you hit them hard."
And, of course, since this is thought to be Bible wisdom, children inwardly conclude that the Bible's Author is behind such an approach. They fear that the rod that is spoken of is not the Shepherd's rod of the twenty-third psalm, intended to guide gently through difficult places and to ward off enemy, but a weapon to be dreaded, a way for irate authority figures to express their anger upon those who have affronted their authority.
Parents are indeed expected to teach their children to walk in the paths of blessing. And sometimes a self-willed child may need to be brought back to his senses. But all too often parents have not given priority to establishing a warm and vulnerable relationship with their children. They have not experimented with the power of healing love, and they feel that the only influence they have over their child is through their "duty" to inflict pain on him when he does not dutifully obey.
Some openly rebel against this approach, and understandably so, for it is alien to the way God made His people to learn and grow. Such a person is seeking to preserve some semblance of his personhood. His rebellion is not only against his parents but also against the religion that led his parents to act the way they did.
On the other hand, a child may meekly submit to his parents' rod-oriented mode of discipline. Since he is not rebelling, the parents assume that their method is working. But the chances are high that some twenty years later, in some destructive mid-life crisis, the apparently obedient person goes off in search of his freedom and identity, leaving behind a religion that has brought him much anxiety and guilt. Ironically, he also rejects his heavenly Father, who knows that one doesn't beat one's children into submission.
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