So You're Offended!
If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother. But if he does not listen, take one or two others along with you, that every word may be confirmed by the evidence of two or three witnesses. If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile or a tax collector. Matt. 18:15-17, RSV.
How much misery we could avert if church members followed the counsel of Jesus set forth in these verses. All too often what happens is that individuals, whose overly sensitive selves think they have been offended, begin to shoot off their mouths to any who will listen. Possible reconciliation gets transformed into gossip and eventually the trash of bad feelings.
In considering "our" feelings and "our" selves we trounce on other "selves," whom we may or may not have even understood.
I remember as a pastor that people would come up to me and begin to complain about others in church. Of course, they expected me to "do something about it," or even have the church take action against them.
My answer was always the same: "Why have you come to me?" Most of the time I was met with a blank stare. At that point I would open the Bible to Matthew 18:15.
Jesus couldn't have said it more clearly. Don't make the problem public, but go to the person privately and keep it between the two of you if possible. It never helps to bring sin out in the open if we can solve the problem in private. Then again, in many cases we are dealing with misunderstanding rather than "sin" or true offense. Sometimes it is merely our own trumped-up vision of our own "dignity."
Whatever the problem, Jesus makes it clear that the offended one should take the initiative--"go." That is a command to be like the God who sent His own Son to make reconciliation with those who had "spit in His face."
If a personal conference doesn't solve the problem, invite a couple other mature Christians into the discussion to help bring in some objectivity. And, if that doesn't work, then, and only then, should you take the issue to the congregation.
Bottom line: Here is a Christian grace I can start living today.
If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother. But if he does not listen, take one or two others along with you, that every word may be confirmed by the evidence of two or three witnesses. If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile or a tax collector. Matt. 18:15-17, RSV.
How much misery we could avert if church members followed the counsel of Jesus set forth in these verses. All too often what happens is that individuals, whose overly sensitive selves think they have been offended, begin to shoot off their mouths to any who will listen. Possible reconciliation gets transformed into gossip and eventually the trash of bad feelings.
In considering "our" feelings and "our" selves we trounce on other "selves," whom we may or may not have even understood.
I remember as a pastor that people would come up to me and begin to complain about others in church. Of course, they expected me to "do something about it," or even have the church take action against them.
My answer was always the same: "Why have you come to me?" Most of the time I was met with a blank stare. At that point I would open the Bible to Matthew 18:15.
Jesus couldn't have said it more clearly. Don't make the problem public, but go to the person privately and keep it between the two of you if possible. It never helps to bring sin out in the open if we can solve the problem in private. Then again, in many cases we are dealing with misunderstanding rather than "sin" or true offense. Sometimes it is merely our own trumped-up vision of our own "dignity."
Whatever the problem, Jesus makes it clear that the offended one should take the initiative--"go." That is a command to be like the God who sent His own Son to make reconciliation with those who had "spit in His face."
If a personal conference doesn't solve the problem, invite a couple other mature Christians into the discussion to help bring in some objectivity. And, if that doesn't work, then, and only then, should you take the issue to the congregation.
Bottom line: Here is a Christian grace I can start living today.
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